Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he just fucked me for my cheese..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
