my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
