remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize