I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
