they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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