I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
