Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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