i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
