...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
