apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
