he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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