i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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