I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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