I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This baby is an asshole
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
