i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize