Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
