Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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