You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
