Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize