Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
