Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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