If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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