Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
