i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
