Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
