In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
