I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
