I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
