apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
