He uses pillows to masturbate.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
