Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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