He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
are you so shy because you have an std?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
