I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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