Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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