I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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