The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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