My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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