Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The Olympian is in my bed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
