I am puke
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
