Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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