Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
