Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize