Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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