If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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