NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize