Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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