I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
