feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
