FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
