Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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