I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
