Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
