i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
