So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
should my penis look like a turkey
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
