I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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