I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
