So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
