I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
