did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
