She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
