So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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