ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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