what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
two words: eviction party
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
