Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize