I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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