She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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