My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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