Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
