is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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