laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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