Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
