I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
