what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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