I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
