quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
