Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
