My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize