No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
