his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
