I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
