So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
