For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
