you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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