She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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