Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize