I cannot find my penis.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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