Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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