last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
