Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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