She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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