The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
