you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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