I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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