So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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