That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
