For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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