So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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