I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
