i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
