I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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