i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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