He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
