my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
