yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
