Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
